Hello our dear blog fans! Only 19 days left until the big day! We thought we'd write a little post about our advice to engaged couples: what we have learned thus far. In honor of our 19 remaining days, we have 19 advice points. You know, because who better to give advice than us, the pros at being engaged....riiiiiight.....Here we go.
1. Elope. Trust us.
2. If elopement is not an option due to family concerns, read the rest of the blog. If it is not an option because of personal concerns, get over it. Elope.
3. Set a budget for the wedding and stick with it. It is good to be on the same page with your fiance concerning about how much you want to spend overall. Then, when you have differences in opinions on what you want to spend it on (as you will), you can find balance and agreement by considering what would need to be given up to acquire what you want. Or, just have very generous donors in your life, and then you can have whatever you want for the wedding.
4. Set aside "wedding talk free" nights, when you are not allowed to stress over any of those things, but you can just remember why it is you fell in love and wanted to get married. Believe me, we have needed these nights--and we really love each other! So this is a must.
5. One of the more difficult aspects of being engaged is being in social limbo. You have been single for years and thus your social circle is composed of single people. Shocking! And guess what? It is harder to socialize with them now. They will ask how wedding planning is going, and then you won't have much more to talk about after that. And that is if you even start talking. Mostly, they will be off getting their flirt on with someone, and if they are not, they should be! And so it is difficult to talk with them, and nearly impossible to hang out or spend an evening together. So where do you find your social outlet? Any married or coupled friends you already had are the best option. Other than that, the good news is, being engaged, you are very much in love and don't mind spending excessive amounts of time with one individual (the right individual--we aren't talking about your brother). And the great news is, now that you have a partner in your life, you also have a partner in your awkward social party small talk scenarios. Which means, you wont be alone needing to talk to strangers to not look all aloof. You can just talk with your fiance.
6. Cake tasting. Do it. Do it over and over and over until you can't stand the sight of cake anymore. Go try every bakery in town.
7. Use newbies. Our photographer, florist, bakery, and Michelle's hairdresser are all up-and-comers. They have impeccable taste and are eager to please their clients. They will give you lots of personal attention and cost less just because they are trying to build their portfolio but are just as capable as the wedding industry veterans.
8. Don't read anything bridal. Avoid wedding magazines and websites like the plague. All they will do is make you feel guilty about not including some frivolous thing at your reception. Decide what you want to do and do only that. It will be beautiful! Most people love weddings because they enjoy sharing in the love the couple has for one another, not because they like the napkins printed with your custom monogram.
9. Be patient with each other. Both of you will have freak out moments, usually at different times. When it is your fiance freaking out, be a rock. Comfort, hold, and believe. If you love each other, it will pass, and more quickly than either of you suspects usually. If it is you freaking out, try to remember why you decided to get married in the first place, what you like and love about your partner, and if times get desperate, remember how horrible it would be to return to the singles scene/ward and start all over. Likely you will end up with someone far inferior than the person right beside you right now anyways. And, realize that your freak out moment will pass for you too, if it is meant to be.
10. Come up with cool nicknames for each other. For example, Michelle has two: kettle girl and the crazy butterfly. Matt has two as well: stealth man and "the coolest", short for "the coolest guy ever to exist".
11. When registering for wedding gifts, learn the value of the compromise. Michelle might want slightly girly plates. Matt might realize that that is a battle he cannot win, but if he doesn't fight it, while mentioning the he might prefer differently, he earns a compromise point. Build up enough compromise points, and you might end up registering for a nintendo! Note: Matt's current tally of compromise points is nearing triple digits, and he has yet to redeem any of them.
12. Start traditions together. And we mean, actively consider what traditions you can start. Traditions become cooler the longer they are around, so if you can tell your kids that you have been eating belgian waffles for breakfast every general conference since you were engaged, how much cooler is that then "hey kids, want some belgian waffles?" Answer: much cooler. Also, as my brother Sam points out, make sure to know when to get rid of bad traditions, like the "magic pumpkin." Also, consider having new hobbies together. We decided to get into photography. We have dabbled a little in the past, but decided to learn together more.
13. Open and honest communication all of the time during engagement. As is said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards. You need to learn to trust each other, even when it hurts. Better to learn earlier than later. This includes also making sure you are on the same page with the important things like children, finances, and religion.
14. Be on the same page with what level of communication with friends of the opposite sex (old friends, for example) is appropriate. We decided that almost zero is good for us--we can always talk to old friends with our partner present. Trust and our relationship together is just way more important than any old friend is. And it is not like we are abandoning them.
15. Set guidelines and rules. This might be curfews, this might be physical intimacy, this might be how you tease and joke with each other, and it might be much more. It is just useful to have boundaries set so that you both agree about what is ok (according to Michelle, it is not ok to spell ok ok. ok should be okay. Whatever) and what is not.
16. Give it up, groom. You're gonna dance at the reception (unless you are my lucky lucky twin brother). Just play it so you get a whole handful of compromise points out of it. Brides, be kind: pick a short short song.
17. Enjoy time together, and enjoy time apart. Recognize that two things are happening: 1) you are surrendering your independence. If not, what is a marriage? Start doing this during engagement. You will need to make decisions now while considering 2 or more people, not just yourself. 2) Don't lose yourself while you lose your independence. If you have hobbies, you can still do these. You wont be independent, but you shouldn't be dependent either. Create a life together that honors both aspects.
18. Talk about the future often, what you are looking forward to and how wonderful everything will be. This will help you to deal with the stress of wedding planning and cold feet. Joke about baby names (Parmigiana will be one beautiful girl. Luke Sky-walker Ranger Baird will be tough as nails). Talk about houses and dogs in the future, about going to Luke SWR's little league game, and Parmy's swim meet.
19. Don't let other people's teasing about your love and need to hold hands and be with each other affect you. They are just jealous. ;) Just enjoy being in love. You are even allowed sometimes to kiss when people are around. Engagement has enough stresses--enjoy your love for each other, and let that be the strength that helps you get through the lameness that is planning a wedding. They say it will all be worth it, and we are inclined to believe them.
love it! you guys have so much good stuff - you will be awesome as one. my only advice (that you have forgotten) are the discussions about your finances, the kids, and insurance. We forgot about insurance and were lucky that we both had it.. but probably should have dedicated more time into researching that lil tid bit beforehand.
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